Thursday, September 25, 2008


I can see it now.

The scene opens on Senate members embroiled in hashing out terms of the "bail out" in a smoke filled room (of course there's no smoking allowed - it is "green" smoke - biodegradable and non-toxic,) having made absolutely no progress, loudly bickering amongst themselves, when in rushes SUPER JOHN MCCAIN, decked out in his red cape and tights , to the rescue! (Trumpets sound heroically) "Bom pa, da, da!"

SJ: "All right men - and (smiling and winking deferentially) you pretty little ladies - gather round. I'm here to save the day! I'VE GOT THE PLAN!

Now, I don't pretend to understand much about the economy, but me and my boys - uh, you've all met my boys, haven't you? (motioning toward the doorway where four or five tuffs in dark suits, white ties and fedora hats stand menacing - feet wide apart, the Senators silently nodding, slack jawed in fear and awe) - yeah, me and my boys got this bail out thing all figured out."

Random Youngish Senator: (Enthusiastically) "What are ya gonna do SJ? Set up a strict regulatory commission with veto powers and oversight to insure transparency?"

SJ: "What? Regulatory commission? Hell no. What we're gonna do is bomb Fannie Mac and that Freddie Mae, and then - bingo - we're gonna do the same to Wall Street. That's the kinda straight talk I'm talkin' about, by god!" (The four or five tuffs nod and chime in saying: "Dat's right boss." or "You said it, SJ.")

Another Random Senator: "Of course! That's the ticket! Brilliant! That'll show those elite New England, Ivy League bastards. (Smiling broadly, conspiratially) Hey, maybe that would be a good day to arrange to have The Honorable Senator Obama ring the closing bell at the stock exchange, no?"

SJ: (Suddenly slumping over in a chair) "Ooooooooooooo."

Back to the First Random Senator: "Omigod! SJ! What's happening? What's wrong? Are you all right?" (Kneeling down, taking SJ's hand in his, surreptitiously kissing McCain's palm.)

SJ: (Now barely audible) "I can't hide it any longer. I'm finished. I have terminal hemorrhoids. I'm bleeding out."

Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison: "Eeeew"

SJ: (Briefly rallying) "Never fear though, Sister Sarah has a firm hold on the reigns of power. She'll lead you on into the 21st century steadfastly, keeping the witches at bay, not to mention that she'll share some really great moose stew recipes." (Dies)

Still Yet Another Random Senator: "He's dead! The Great Maverick is dead! God save the Great Maverick! (Gnashes teeth as the scene fades.)

Announcer: (On camera) "Stay tuned for scenes from next week's all new episode of D.C. Looney Bin." (Whonk! - Announcer gets hit with a rubber chicken.) Muted trumpets play a descending scale - Wa, wa, wa waaaah. (Fade.)

(Insert Cialis Commercial)



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